Really listening to my creative self

“Who am I?” Has been the on and off nag in my whirling thoughts of late… it’s be a challenge to stay upbeat or on some days get out of bed.

And I have although not with the joy for LifeΒ I am used to being able to tap into.

My mum picked up something had been wrong… but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Neither could I to be honest.

So instead of going on one more course, or going away for the weekend I took time this weekend to be with myself (my husband and our lodger are away until tomorrow) so I had from 2pm yesterday until tomorrow to myself. And there I was going to fill it with the stuff I have learnt I do when I am scared to listen into what my creative self really wants not what the fears dictate I have to and should do;

1. When I do have time to myself I busy myself worrying about who isn’t in my life that was

2. Then I procrastinate keeping up with those friends who I do still have and watch Life unfold on the virtual world of Facebook, Instagram – both real self esteem killers if I’m not feeling perky and in my authority.

3. Or tell myself I need to go on a course to learn from a wiser, more well known “guru” who will no doubt be awesome, inspiring and amazing but I fill my brain with more learning tools than any person alive would have time to use once or twice let alone master.

4. After all the above, even if I wasn’t feel sure of myself, I am now totally exhausted and then I still have my own Open To Create… work to complete, I’m a wife, a daughter, sister, cousin, aunty…

5. Game over… mental and physical exhaustion…

SO instead this weekend I went back to creative thinking basics…

1. Go back to the things I have given my word to and tackle the top 2 that are most likely to create movement with my most cherished goals at the moment – decluttering and tax… not what I had expected either…

2. Decluttering my balcony so I can/we can sit out in the sunshine – mini stay-cations here I come! Whilst doing this we met a new neighbour who tipped me off about the urban garden I have decided to bring back to life and she is a returner to drama similar to my husband. So he may have found his new drama group to fly his creative dreams

3. Go for a walk but the long way round and using new roads I have not been down before – spotted that the nearly never regeneration of our local area of Poplar is finally getting the awesome Muxima coffee shop nearby! Finally I have a cool place to go and hang out with my love over a proper coffee!

4. Use the canvas I found in the rubbish and make a start on a painting… first one in a blooming age!

5. Buy a new lens for my new bad boy D-SLR and start getting back into playing with seeing, going in for the shot, learning about light, speeds…

There is more but you get the idea…

I have re-remembered I really do know what is best for me and it sometimes takes a full stop and some serious quiet to hear the tiny supportive, loving and guiding voice.

What are your best tips for listening to your creative self?

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